Honesty… Best Practice? Really??

Honesty is a complicated concept. To say or not to say.

It’s not always about answering honestly what’s being asked of you, it’s also about having concern for other’s feeling and thoughts.

If you don’t want your friend to hate you, then don’t say “isn’t that shirt a little too tight?” It is honesty, in a kind manner, but if you’re friend isn’t open to the criticism, even though you mean well, it’s a horrible idea.

I was friends with a girl, once, whose family was very honest with one another. We would all sit at the dinner table, enjoying a family dinner (with me as the special guest), talking about every one’s days at work/school and the father says to the daughter, 

Well you do kind of look 2 months pregnant 

Being a third party, I just sat there, taking in all of the awkwardness.

I mean, this is where the line is blurred. The dad was speaking an honest opinion about the daughter. Although it was an inaccurate description (since you can’t look 2 months pregnant), it was inappropriate. Being an outsider, there is nothing I could have done or said in that situation.

Thankfully, the story isn’t over. The daughter who got that kind of description placed down on her that evening, took a big bite of her spaghetti and said, 

Mmmm, will feed my baby. 

Later on, she played if off like it was no big deal, but (since the daughter was my friend) she also mentioned this in other more serious settings. Saying, 

Did I tell you what my dad called me earlier this week, it was kind of mean 

The problem is that I am a normal size girl and she was thinner than me… did I not mention that before?

I start to wonder, this will probably haunt my friend for a very long time, and what does honesty really get people. Where is the line between opinion and truth? Truth and intent? The only solution I can bring myself to is, sometimes your opinion doesn’t matter. Sometimes my opinion doesn’t matter. And sometimes we just have to let people figure things out life for themselves. Unless it’s a life threatening… whatever… just leave it alone. It’s much better to build the relationship than to tear it down.

The great thing about relationships is that if both parties want to build a relationship up, then forgiveness can be a part of that and it can be done. I don’t know what will happen with my friend and her dad, but I hope for the best. Maybe her dad will see he was being hurtful and apologize. Sometimes apologies are magic.